


Memory turned Nightmare

by RealityXIllusion



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Angst?, Chapter two is the flashback, Choking, Flashbacks, Gen, Hurt Spencer Reid, Hurt/Comfort, Mentions of possible abuse, Nightmares, Past Child Abuse, Reaper is mentioned, Screaming, The team is there on the back burner, Trust Issues, possibly cursing, violent episodes of a schizophrenic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-28
Updated: 2017-09-28
Packaged: 2019-01-06 13:31:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12212244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RealityXIllusion/pseuds/RealityXIllusion
Summary: After a recent case where Reid's hurt and requires crutches, Hotch has Reid staying with him since he cannot make the flight of stairs to his apartment and Hotch was the first to offer since the last time Reid was on crutches no body had him stay with them and he didn't require the help. But this time Hotch offers [orders] Reid come stay with him.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story was not based off of anything that had happened to me or that I've read somewhere before. I don't know what schizophrenia is like so I am sincerely sorry if this offends or upsets anyone.

Startled awake with his heart pounding away in his chest Hotch laid there in his bed confused as to why he had awoken. It took a moment, a moment far longer then he would've liked, for Hotch to register screaming coming from...just down the hall?  
Fumbling out of his bed with the grace of a drunk elephant, Hotch stumbled down the hall as quickly as he could with his gun out and ready to fire. All he could think of was Jack.  
Did the Reaper come back?  
No no the Reaper was dead. He knew that.  
It wasn't until Hotch kicked open Jacks bedroom door and was greeted with utter silence that he even remembered that Jack wasn't there, he was at his aunts house for the weekend and wouldn't be home until Monday.  
So who was screaming?  
Hotch's eyes widened in shock as he remembered his house guest, 'Reid' he thought as he turned and bolted down to the other end of the hall and without hesitation he flung open the guest bedroom door.  
"Reid? Reid!" Hotch ended up yelling, trying to be heard over the screaming that was quickly giving him a headache.  
Hotch honest to god didn't know what to do, he never had to deal with something like this with Jack or anybody else. Other than Reid and himself, there was absolutely no one else in the room with them. There was no physical reason for Reid to be screaming. Tucking his gun into the back of his pants, since he didn't have his holster, Hotch kneeled down next to Reid who was thrashing around underneath of the covers with his eyes firmly screwed shut.  
'A nightmare?' Hotch's brows knitted together debating what he should do. He remembered how he would calm Jack down whenever Jack would have a nightmare with a simple back rub, maybe that would work with Reid? Hotch decided to give it a shot regardless of it working or not, despite Reid being a grown man and one of his Agents, but was startled when Reid violently flinched under his touch.  
Normally Hotch would've backed off, especially since receiving an reaction like that, but Reid was still screaming so Hotch reached out once again and gripped Reid's shoulder tightly and shook him awake.  
After shaking Reid in an attempt to wake him for almost ten minutes Hotch gave up, however seeing how Reid's shirt was practically soaked in sweat Hotch stood back up and quickly snatched a T-shirt from his closet before coming back to the room, thankfully or maybe not so thankfully, Reid's screaming had become nothing more than hoarse whimpers and groans of pain.  
Carefully reaching out as so not to startle the sleeping man, Hotch swiftly began unbuttoning Reid's dress shirt he had fallen asleep in. It was just as he undid the last button and was about to pull the shirt open that Hotch jerked back startled as a raspy voice suddenly asked,  
"W-What are you doing...?"  
Looking down Hotch saw Reid staring at him oddly and raise shaking hands to pull his shirt shut, Hotch gaped at Reid as he suddenly realized exactly what it looked like he was trying to do.  
"It's not what you think!" Hotch blurted out and mentally hit himself at how cliché that sounded before carrying on much more calmly, "You weren't waking up and you're covered in sweat. I was trying to change your shirt."  
Blushing, Reid nodded but refused to look Hotch in the eyes.  
Narrowing his eyes, Hotch knew he needed to clear this situation up quickly, "Reid you know I wasn't trying to do anything right?"  
Reid finally looked up at him confused, "What?"  
"Uh.." Now Hotch was confused.  
"OH!" Reid's eyes widened almost comically, "I-I didn't think that! Besides I know you would never do that to me." Reid smiled a small smile though it didn't quite reach his eyes.  
"Reid?" Hotch started slowly, "Do you want to talk about it?"  
"Talk about it? Well last I knew you are straight and the likelihood of you even considering-"  
"Not that! Your nightmare I mean!" Hotch quickly interrupted.  
"..What nightmare...?" Reid asked looking away once more.  
"Reid don't lie to me." Hotch said sternly.  
Suddenly Reid looked at Hotch with tear filled eyes, but immediately Hotch knew it wasn't him that Reid was really seeing, but actually whatever it was he just dreamt about.  
"Reid. You need to calm down now." Hotch ordered seeing as his subordinate had begun to hyperventilate, "REID!"  
Reid's eyes snapped over to look into Hotch's as he flinched back the moment Hotch had yelled.  
"M-M'fine..." Reid choked out, holding out his hand Reid pushing Hotch back and shakenly stood up only to wince at the sudden pressure it put on his sprained ankle.  
"What do you think you're doing?" Hotch demanded standing up along side Reid and latching onto his bicep to keep him from moving any further.  
"...want...need coffee...sugar..." Reid mumbled, refusing to look at Hotch, which seemed to be happening a lot tonight.  
After a few moments Hotch sighed in resignation and carefully led Reid out to the kitchen. Reid sat at the kitchen table watching silently as Hotch prepared two cups of coffee and brought them over to the table. Gently Hotch set one cup down in front of Reid and another down for him before sitting down in the chair across from Reid.  
Silently Reid picked up his cup and took a sip, he grimaced at the lack of sugar but continued drinking nonetheless.  
"Now do you want to talk about it?" Hotch asked before adding, "Your nightmare?"  
"What nightmare?" Reid tilted his head to the side in confusion.  
Hotch glared at Reid for trying to avoid the question but then smirked as Reid began pouting at him.  
"...Jerk..." Reid muttered causing Hotch to arch an eyebrow at him, "I was just...I was dreaming...b-but it was more like...a memory?"  
"A memory?" Hotch prodded gently, he watched as slowly Reid's hand came up and rubbed against his throat where Hotch could still see the bruises marring al around the boys' throat. Suddenly Hotch understood, "You dreamt about the case?"  
"What?" Reid stared at Hotch, "Oh...uh...no. No I didn't...it...it uhh...it made me...think of...my mom...when she," Reid gulped, "When she had...one of her...violent episodes..."  
Hotch paused with his mug halfway to his mouth, "One of her violent episodes?" Hotch eyed Reid's throat and suddenly it came to him what his mother must've done.  
Reid's eyes widened when he realized how Hotch was staring at him like...like he was a victim...he hastily said, "It wasn't her fault! S-She forgot who I was! S-She snapped out of it q-quickly enough!"  
"Reid...How old were you?"  
"..."  
"How. Old." Hotch repeated angrily.  
"H-Hotch seriously, it doesn't matter."  
"Reid."  
"...Umm..." Reid started squirming uncomfortably in his seat, "I-I was nine..."  
"Nine."  
"Y-Yeah.."  
"You were nine."  
"Hotch?"  
"Nine years old."  
"H-Hotch?"  
"Nine years old and your mother choked you." Hotch repeated calmly but how he really felt was clearly shown, and he frowned when Reid flinched back.  
"H-Hotch s-seriously, I-it's fine." Reid stuttered staring into his mug intently, "I t-totally forgot about it!"  
"Reid-" Hotch began to say but was immediately cut off.  
"Hotch. Let it go." Reid gave Hotch a tight-lipped, empty smile, "There was nothing you could've done...I think I'm gonna head back to bed now. Thanks for the coffee."  
And then before Hotch could even protest Reid walking on his sprained ankle, Reid was already limping down the hallway and shutting the guest bedroom door firmly behind him.  
Sighing and running a weary hand down his face Hotch sat there in silence until he finished the rest of his coffee and Reid's but neither had much affect in keeping his eyes open any longer. Slowly Hotch cleaned out the two mugs and put them away. Before going to bed however, Hotch peeked in on Reid and was struck by how incredibly young the man looked. Softly Hotch shut the door and made his way back to his own bed, laying beneath the covers, just as sleep began grasping onto his consciousness' Hotch's last thought was,  
'He was only nine...'  
For the rest of that night Hotch's dreams were plagued with the screams of a nine year boy slowly being choked to death by his mother and no matter how hard Hotch ran he could never find the little boy who he just knew was Reid.


	2. Flashback

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spencer knew his mother never meant to hurt him, but that doesn't change the fact that she did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I suppose this may be seen as graphic in regards to child abuse, this is a warning to everyone who plans on reading.

Struggling to fight for consciousness Spencer had to force himself to take a slow breath in. Panting loudly and gasping as air finally made its way into his lungs, Spencer forced his eyes to stay open and he looked up at the towering figure above him.  
It was his mommy, wrapped up in her robe and her face beet red and chest heaving. The moment he caught her eye, she screamed and took off running away from him.  
She didn't mean to do it.  
Or he hoped she didn't. He knew with how sick his mommy had gotten that she sometimes forgot what was happening around her and in that moment, she simply…. forgot…who he was for a minute or two. Still shaking Spencer forced himself to get up off the floor and to check on his mommy. He saw the moment she remembered who he was. He watched as her eyes widened and he saw how horrified she was. She'd let go of him and screamed before running back towards her and daddy's room before slamming it shut behind her.  
What he wasn't expecting was the dizziness that greeted him when he finally got up off the floor. He squeezed his eyes shut and took as deep a breath as he could without coughing or his throat protesting. When he felt he could breathe somewhat more properly now, Spencer slowly opened his eyes and shuffled down the hall towards his mommy and daddy's room. Though it was just his mommy's room now ever since daddy left.  
Spencer couldn't hold back the bitter feeling that overcame him at yet another reminder of his daddy leaving. Reaching the room Spencer reached out to open the door and was shocked to find it locked. He could never remember his mommy locking the bedroom door before. She always left it open for when he would sometimes have a bad dream and come running to her for protection from the nightmare. Swallowing his spit and wincing when it hurt, Spencer raised his tiny arm and knocked as loudly as he could on the bedroom door.  
"M-Mommy?" Spencer called out only to stop and cough which only caused his throat to hurt even more. "M-Mommy open up!"  
Spencer tried the doorknob again but it reminded locked, despite his calls to his mommy she never made any move towards the door and didn't answer him either. Shaking slightly and suddenly feeling tired Spencer turned and walked down the hall the last few feet to his own bedroom door. He opened it and walked into his room. He usually kept his door opened in case his mommy would need him but for some reason tonight after what just happened…. Spencer didn't feel particularly safe leaving his door open. Shutting the door Spencer walked over to the small mirror he's had hanging up on the wall for as long as he could remember, Spencer came to a stop right in front of it and couldn't tear his eyes away from what he saw.  
His throat already looked swollen and had two distinctive hand shaped bruises on his neck.  
The bruises were dark and stood out against his pale skin, lifting a hand to his neck Spencer lightly pressed down with a finger and gasped when he felt how badly just that simple action had felt pain wise.  
Spencer's eyes watered and finally in the solitude of his own room he let what had happened moments before wash over him. A harsh sob tore its way out of his mouth as he fell to his knees.  
His mommy had tried to hurt him. No, she DID hurt him…. then she ran. Crying, Spencer laid down on his side and curled up into a tiny ball. The coldness from the wooden floor seeped into his skin through his thin pajamas. He couldn't breathe. Gasping Spencer tried to slow down his breathing, tried to stop crying to little success. He managed to steady his breathing to just through his nose despite it being a bit stuffy due to his crying.  
It was there on the floor that for the first time since his daddy left that Spencer realized how scared and alone he felt. He knew how foolish it was but at that very moment he didn't care, Spencer opened his mouth and even though it still hurt and he was still crying, he called out for his daddy.  
"D-Daddy!...D-Daddy…!" It came out as a whisper but as Spencer continued gradually it become louder until he was practically screaming hoarsely, "Daddy please! C-Come back…. please! Daddy! C-Come b-back! Daddy! Please!"  
Struggling to draw in much needed air Spencer coughed and whispered brokenly, "… Don't leave me…"  



End file.
